The Trouble With Hormones
by ZephyrHills
Summary: Parody in which Kirk, Spock and McCoy get taken hostage by pastel colored alien females. First chapter features Scotty finally losing it and Kirk being stupid! ^_^
1. Scotty Snaps, Kirk Flirts

Title: The Trouble With Hormones  
Rating: G  
Genre: Humor/parody  
Disclaimer: If the show happened to be mine, one episode would be called "Watching Spock Take A Shower." But there isn't one, and that should be proof enough.  
Let's Get Sloppy!  
  
Opens to the Enterprise circling around a planet that looks   
suspiciously like the planet from last week's episode. Switch to veiw   
of the bridge. Everything is bleeping peacefully.  
  
Sulu: We are approaching Deycania V. Orbit is stable.  
  
Snoring is heard. Captain Kirk has fallen asleep.   
  
Sulu: *snicker*  
Uhura: Should we wake him up?  
  
Sulu and Chekov look at each other. They both pretend to think.  
  
Both: Nah.  
Kirk: ...your place or mine? *snore*  
Everyone: *snork*  
Spock: I fail to see the humor in this situatuon.  
Uhura: Mr. Spock, there is no hope for you.  
Spock: I shall make a mental note of that.  
  
Kirk jerks up and screams. Everyone stares at him. Crickets can be heard.  
  
Crickets: *cricket cricket*  
  
insert pregnant pause here  
  
Kirk: That didn't happen, got it?  
Sulu: Right. Captain, we're in orbit around Deycania V.  
Kirk: Excellent!   
  
He punches a button.  
  
Arm rest: My heart will go! Weeeeee'll staaaaay foreeeeeever this way!  
  
Kirk frantically swats at the control panel. The music stops.  
  
Kirk: Heh...wrong button.  
  
He pushes a diffrent button.  
  
Kirk: Scotty, you have the comm. Have Bones meet me in the transporter room.  
Scotty: But ah don' want the comm.  
Kirk: Scotty...come take the comm.  
Scotty: No.  
Kirk: Uh, Scotty? I'm beaming down, you take the comm? You know, like we always do?  
Scotty: Ah always get stuck at the comm when something bad happens! The minute ye beam down a Klingon's gonna attack the ship! Well, not this time! Ah'm staying in me quaters and PRACTICING ME BAGPIPES!!  
  
An extremly pregnant pause follows. Kirk stares at the armrest while everyone else just sort of stares.   
  
Kirk: Okay, Sulu, you have the comm.  
  
*~* Transporter Room *~*  
  
Kirk: Energize!  
Spock: Sir, you need to be standing on a transporter pad in order to--  
Kirk: I knew that! Just testing you!   
  
He steps onto a pad while Bones snickers in the background.  
  
Kirk: Energize!  
  
A random redshirt punches some random buttons and does the slidey button thingy. The Big-Three get all shimmery and a great staticy noise fills the air! It's so magical!  
  
Ahem, they beam down to a forest-like area. Spock picks up his tricorder.  
  
Spock: There appears to be an abundance of life here, Captain.  
Kirk: You're telling me!  
  
Kirk is staring at three nymph-like women bathing in a nearby pond. They are, of course, pastel colored.  
  
Bones: Dammit Jim! Give your libido a rest!  
  
But it is too late. Kirk is in full-blown-adult-male-Rico-Suave-too-sexy-for-my-starship mode and he's already swaggering up to the nearest native.  
  
Kirk: (suave) Hello, I come in peace.  
Nymph one: (snickering) Your epidermis is showing.  
Kirk: What? Where?  
All but Spock: *snicker snicker* (A.N. People tend to snicker a lot in my fics.)  
Kirk: As I was saying, I am from the starship Enterprise. I am very suave and have 400 people that worship the ground I walk on. At least once a day I get to walk around the ship with my shirt off. Need I say more?  
Nymph one: I'm Eleona. I'm the crown princess of the Revelnia tribe and men throw themselves at me. Last week a man commited suicide in my honor. You'll have to do better than that.  
  
Kirk thinks a minute.  
  
Kirk: You know, your name must be Campell's because--  
Bones: Jim, skip it.  
  
  
  
  
Ish, pretty bad huh? Don't be too harsh. R/r though! Chapter two is coming up! - Zeph 


	2. Author's Desperate Plea for Help

Note from Zeph-   
  
Due to lack of inspiration, I have stopped writing this fic. If you have any ideas or suggestions as to what you'd like to see, please email me or put them in a review. Thank you to everyone that readsmy fics; you are greatly appreciated.  
  
Over and out! - Zeph 


End file.
